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Nassau County
Nar-Anon Family Groups

Information for the Newcomer


Our role as helper is not to DO things for the person you are helping, but to BE things, not to try to train and change the addicts actions, but to train and change your reactions. We can change our negatives to positives:

  1. fear to faith;
  2. contempt for what the addict does to respect for the potential within the addict;
  3. rejection to release with love;
  4. not try to make them fit a standard or image or expect him to measure up to or down from that standard, but to give them an opportunity to develop the best within them, regardless of what that best may be;
  5. dominance to encouragement;
  6. panic to serenity;
  7. false-hope, self-centered to real hope, God-centered;
  8. the rebellion of despair to the energy of personal revolution;
  9. driving to guidance; and
  10. self-justification to self-understanding

As we change in such ways as these, we change the world about us and all the people in our world for the better.

Self-pity blocks effective action. The more we indulge in it the more we feel that the answer to problems is a change in others of the world, not a change in us. Thus, we become a hopeless case.

Exhaustion is the result when we use energy in mulling over the past with regret, or in trying to figure ways to escape a future that hasn't even come yet. Likewise, setting up an image of the future and anxiously hovering over it for fear that it will or won't come true, uses all of our energy and leaves us unable to live today. Yet living this day is the only way to have a life.

Take no thought for the future actions of others, neither expecting them to be better nor worse as time goes on. For in such expectations, we are really trying to create. This is God's job, not ours. Love alone can create. Love and let be.

Remember all people are always changing. When we judge them, we judge on what we believe we know of them, failing to realize that there is much we do not know, and that they are constantly changing as they try for better or worse to cope with life. Give others credit even as all of us struggle; give them credit for attempts at progress, even if their changes are not apparent, and above all give them credit for having had many victories which are unknown. We are all of the same cloth, though a different cut.

Remember we too are always changing, and we can direct that change consciously if we so desire. Ourselves we can change. Others we can only love.